Thursday, January 24, 2008

A Toot-Torial

"Fried foods and sodas I cannot part. And so I eat and so I fart"

The average person passes gas at least 3 to 30 times a day. To most wives, that probably seems like a low figure as men seem to be proud of their moment of social impropriety.

Recently, while shopping for groceries, the lady pushing her cart in front of me let go of a long boisterous fart. After all, the bustling store was loud and noisy.

I belly laughed because I've been guilty of the same behavior. "No one will know. I'm in a crowd".

As a culture, we are deeply hung up on bodily functions. Specifically, the rapid, often unexpected, evacuation of gases from the lower intestine occurs. Before we got married, my wife ask me where I hid them.

It is as natural as breathing. The gases that make farts smell bad contain ammonia and hydrogen sulfide which are made in the intestine. And eating oily spicy food and drinking lots of soda doesn't help matters.

Back in the 1500s, the then Earl of Oxford (Edward de Vere) deeply embarrassed himself with a badly-timed fart. John Aubrey wrote of this event in Brief Lives. "This Earl of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went travel, 7 years. On his return the Queen welcomed him home, and said 'My Lord, I had forgot the fart' ".

If your gas is offensive, perhaps it's time to take a probiotic supplement, eat yogurt and Kefir that contain trillions of good flora to your intestines. Your GI tract might be out of balance.

Oops, pardon me. I better buy some beano.

Chef Wendell

2 comments:

Soren said...

Great blog, Wendell. I'm surprised to hear that the woman at the supermarket let one slip. I didn't think women could fart. Maybe she was just humming and you were mistaken.

Chef Wendell Fowler said...

Interesting. A humming butt.
She should be on American Idol.